I am woman, therefore I multitask.
For me, this was never more true than these past few weeks. Nothing like a move to crank up the productivity. I’ve been a force to be reckoned with (or to be avoided, if you’re one of my kids) as I’ve packed, taped, and labeled countless boxes.
I always thought multitasking pretty much consisted of two things: the head and the hands. That’s how it usually works for me anyway. I teach a math lesson while crocheting something for Katherine’s Mission. I cook dinner while listening to the kids talk about their day. I crunch budget numbers while trying to fall asleep. (Don’t recommend this one, by the way.)
This past month I learned my heart can multitask too. Because all this time, it’s been full of two things at once. Sadness to leave those I love and excitement to begin this new journey. I never knew I could feel two extremes so fully, so deeply. It’s the strangest paradox, to have what feels like opposite emotions warring inside. I know this is where God wants us to be and I love it here, but I’m constantly thinking about friends “back home.” I wonder how they’re doing and I miss them like crazy.
The positive side of feeling two things at once is that you really feel alive. The not-so-positive is that when you’re not smiling you’re crying. Now, don’t laugh, but I wondered if anyone else ever felt this way. And don’t laugh again, but I thought of Jesus.
When I was a kid, I thought that Jesus (being true God and all) was ready to take on sin, the cross, death, and hell. That it was similar to how Superman bends a pipe. Sure, it took some effort, but it’s not like Jesus was going to break a sweat or anything. But that’s not how the Bible tell it. Jesus was in such agony that “his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.” (Luke 22:44) That sounds pretty intense, and makes my situation feel like a walk in the park.
It also makes me view Christ’s journey to the cross a bit differently. Like me, He felt two opposing things at once. The desire to do His Father’s will and sacrifice Himself for sinners, and the desire to be spared such suffering. “Father,” He says, “if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me.” (Luke 22:42) Unlike me, however, the stakes were higher and the price much greater.
This humbles me and makes feel a completely new set of conflicting emotions: Sorrow that my sins left Him no other way, and joy that He paid my debt for me. Maybe feeling two things at once isn’t so bad after all, because Jesus also shows me how to handle such times. Whatever comes my way – whatever joys, sorrows, triumphs, or failures, all can rest in this prayer to the Father: Not my will, but yours be done.
Now it’s your turn to multitask. Read Luke 22-24 and believe this truth: Jesus did that for you.